Emotionele binding

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In het wild blijven biggetjes, kalveren en puppy’s die geen band met hun moeder opbouwen zelden lang in leven. Tot voor kort gold dat ook voor mensenkinderen. Aan de andere
kant kan een zeug, koe of teef die door een of andere zeldzame mutatie niets om haar jongen geeft een lang, aangenaam leven hebben, maar haar genen zullen niet doorgegeven worden aan de volgende generatie. Dezelfde logica gaat op voor giraffen, vleermuizen, walvissen en stekelvarkens. Over andere emoties kunnen we twisten, maar aangezien zoogdierjongen niet kunnen overleven zonder moederlijke zorg staat het vast dat moederliefde en een sterke band tussen moeder en jong bij alle zoogdieren voorkomen.zo De wetenschap heeft er vele jaren over gedaan om dat te onderkennen. Tot voor kort twijfelden psychologen aan het belang van emotionele binding tussen ouders en kinderen, zelfs bij mensen. In de conference room eindhoven eerste helft van de twintigste eeuw hield de dominante behavioristische school in weerwil van de invloed van freudiaanse theorieën vol dat relaties tussen ouders en kinderen werden gevormd door materiële feedback, dat kinderen voornamelijk voedsel, onderdak en medische zorg nodig hadden en dat kinderen alleen maar een band met hun ouders ontwikkelden omdat die in deze materiële behoeften voorzagen. Kinderen die warmte, knuffels en kusjes wilden, werden ‘verwend’ genoemd. Opvoedkundigen waarschuwden dat kinderen die door hun ouders werden geknuffeld en gekust zouden opgroeien tot egoïstische, onzekere zeurpieten.21 John Watson, die in de jaren twintig een autoriteit was op het gebied van opvoedkunde, maande ouders ten strengste: ‘Omhels en kus [uw] kinderen niet en laat ze nooit op schoot zitten. Als het echt moet, kus ze dan éénmaal op het voorhoofd bij het welterusten zeggen. Geef ze ’s ochtends een hand.’22 Het populaire tijdschrift Infant Care (‘Zuigelingenzorg’) verklaarde dat het geheim van opvoeden lag in het handhaven van discipline en dat de materiële behoeften van het kind vervuld moesten worden volgens een strak dagprogramma. Een artikel uit 1929 adviseerde over conference room haarlem kinderen die om eten huilden vóór de vaste voedingstijd: ‘Pak hem niet op, ga hem niet wiegen om het huilen te stoppen en voed hem niet voordat het precieze voedingstijdstip is aangebroken. Het doet de baby, zelfs de kleinste baby, geen kwaad om te huilen.

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